Jason Bedell Online

I remember the day we found out "Operation Everything Works: Part Deux" was a success and we were on our way to a little girl. I was reserved about being excited, yet could barely hold it in all at the same time. This go 'round, everything seemed to move like clockwork.

We went to the visits, did the check-ups and I couldn't be more excited about being a dad. They had scheduled to induce Carrie (on her birthday) so we woke up, went to the hospital, and knew a baby was in route (which I completely loved being a Type "A" must have a plan kind of person).

I was there for EVERYTHING. No lie. I hate blood. I hate pain. I hate the sight of needles (oddly enough with all the tattoos), but it was unreal. I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything in the world. Watching Chloe Elise Bedell come into this world was a beautiful thing. If you are an expecting dad or plan to be a dad, be there for it all. Don't be a wuss. Suck it up and support your wife sucker. She'll love you for it. Trust me.

Being a dad opens your eyes to a new reality. Being in charge of someone's growth, learning, feeding, changing, morals, guiding, directing, etc. It's a tall order. I ask God daily for Carrie and I to be the parents He wants us to be, to make the choices He would want us to make, and to put our family before my job as a pastor. Yep, the church is second to my family.

If I can be the best husband and father to them as I possibly can be with God guiding me- I will in turn be a better pastor and I believe God will honor my efforts for putting them first.

So now we're 8 months into having this little bundle of joy and she is great, I don't know what we'd do without her. But along the way raising her, we had some interesting moves in the last three and a half months that really changed our ideas of what it means to "listen to God..."

Tomorrow our Chesapeake Campus is going to be living the good life! They will be meeting for the first week inside of Greenbrier Mall's Cinema Cafe. I can't tell you how excited I am about this move. I think being in the heart of a mall is a great location. We will be in the hub of everything happening in the Chesapeake area.

Please pray for a great service, tons of new people, and that God will challenge you to invite a friend and check it out. The official BIG launch is on Sunday, February 15, 2009... but if you want to get a couple weeks of the "sneak peak," just head on over tomorrow morning at 10 am!

(Note to self: they ain't servin' pizza, subs, popcorn, beer or soft drinks- so... BYOSSS "Bring Your Own Service Snacks Sucka")

Jason *over and out*

Chloe is growing sooooo fast. We're in a new stage here at Casa De Bedell, and she's moving fast! More from the series later today... Enjoy.

I've seen video blogs here and there, but doing them all the time and never posting in text can be a beast. But, I figured every once and awhile I'd do a video blog to catch you up on things, and more importantly so you can see the progress of my Paul Bunyan beard.

Aww yeah! Enjoy.

I was a reading a friend's blog this morning and saw this video. It definitely made me think. It moved me. I watched students even here in the U.S. get sold on this kind of message- "Jesus brings wealth, health and riches!" Early on in church I heard a similar message, "Believe in Jesus and everything your heart desires will be fulfilled." Well I tried to believe early on and it didn't work the way they told me. Having lost loved ones and fighting through those pains, the end of this video really puts it into perspective.

Check it out and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Jason *over and out*

Sitting at Panera taking my PRD. "PRD?
What the heck did you just say? P-R-huh?!"

You may not know this but we are required as full-time staff members of Forefront to once a month take a personal "Personal Retreat Day." It's a day to take some time away from the job, chaos, family, friends, etc. and connect with God. When I came on as a staff member, I was so amped that we were told to do this, but I didn't take advantage of it... because I'm a workaholic.

Today I had to force myself to unplug (from the job). So here I sit and ask God to move in me. I have been praying for my heart and my family. I have been praying for you, your families, and that God will move in your lives. I am asking God to make me the spiritual leader He has challenged me to be. I am so humbled by every second He allows me to serve Him and sometimes it takes getting away form the norm and just listening to Him.

I need to make these days a priority. For me to be centered on God for my wife, daughter, the staff, and my Forefront family- these days have to happen. And I need to cherish them and guard them. If you are serving in a ministry area, talk to your staff leader and see how they are doing? Ask them how you can help them and ask how God is pouring into them? Ministry isn't sitting around just relaxing. It's can take a spiritual and emotional toll and it's always amazing for people to ask how you are. So ask them when you see them.

Thanks to FF for having this and thanks to Dan (our Exec. Pastor) for pushing me to make these a big deal. I totally needed this today. God is pouring into me like an open fire hose.

Jason *over and out*

I came home from a long day at work. It was good, but tiring. You guys know what I'm talking about. I had to drag myself up the stairs to our apartment door. I wanted to just relax, eat dinner and get into some comfortable.

While walking up the steps I heard some music. It was coming form our apartment. My wife isn't one for loud music. I open the door and it's some song I had never heard, but I didn't pay it any mind. Kissed my wife, sat down to dinner already prepared. If I had truly paid attention, I would have gotten it (all the hints). The dinner was hot dogs, mac & cheese, and it was by candle light. The songs in the background were love songs, but more a family kind of love song. My wife said she had a present for me... AND IT WAS IN THE BEDROOM.

Now fellas, if your wife says she has a present for you in the bedroom- you don't pass go, you do not collect two hundred dollars, you head straight to the bedroom (just something to tuck away for later guys). So I walk in, and she informs me there are two of them, one under the pillow and one after. I open up the first one and it's a bib that says "future skater" on it...

I started crying, she started crying, we were a big hot mess. Then she hands me gift number two and it says, "If you think I'm cute, you should see my daddy." Priceless.

I was so excited to be a dad. I wanted to have a kid so bad and we were thanking God all along the way. We were going to all the OBYN visits, getting things checked out and then came the visit no one expected. We were getting an ultrasound and the tech doing the procedure was extremely quiet. We were worried. Afterwords, they walked us into a room, but a different room than all the other visits. Not a good sign.

Our doctor came in to let us in on some hard realities. Our baby wasn't growing properly and the ultrasound could barely find a heartbeat.

Silence.

What do you do? What is there to say? What are we supposed to think? The doctor scheduled another visit 5 days from then to recheck and see. So we did the only thing we knew. We prayed. We had every person we know and don't know on God's green earth praying. "Our baby was going to make it" we would say after hours of prayer. "God is going to give us a beautiful miracle" we would say to one another.

The day arrived. We packed into the car and headed to the doctor's office. Like the movie, "Groundhog Day" I felt like everything was the same. We got into the room, the tech put the gel on her stomach, put the sensor to her belly. She searched, and searched. She tried some more. Tried everything.

Nothing.

No heart beat. Our baby was gone. Still connected to my beautiful wife, but so far away from us all in the same moment. Words cannot express the feeling. In that moment I boiled in my mind against God. I didn't understand. "God I love You. I follow You. I serve YOUR church! I honor my wife! Why this! Why now! WHY! WHY! WHY! WHY! What have I done that you would allow this to happen to us? I know we live in a fallen world, but God- it's me?! Your servant?! Don't you protect us? Don't you love our baby?"

Now I know all the "right things to say" and things to understand about a fallen world, bad things still happen to good people, yadda yadda. Save it. No one was going to convince me otherwise in that moment. I knew the Bible way and I didn't care. I was pissed off. I was angry. I wanted to talk to God about it. I wasn't mad at Him, but I really wanted some freakin' answers (only I am positive I didn't use the word freakin').

I drove Carrie the the hospital the next day. She had the DNC. She was drugged and hurting. We went home and cried for days. And we didn't really know hardly anyone. We felt alone. It was a horrible place to be. I said things to my wife about God that I later had to apologize for; to Him and to her.

God used our friends, family and the people of Forefront to bridge the gap from pain to hope. I will never forget it as long as I live. I owe the world to you. God brought healing through your calls, emails, meals, prayers, and love. It was amazing. It's something that brings tears to my eyes as I type this.

But God wasn't done with Carrie and I yet. More was to come. A little good, a little not-so-good, and a little in between...

Being married is amazing. I cannot imagine sharing my life with my hot momma. She definitely makes me a better man. Once we got married, my personal craziness began to die down and we were a little more settled. I dug it.

We took a cruise to the Bahamas for our honeymoon, as soon as we got back (the day we got back) Carried sliced open her hand and we spent the evening in the emergency room, it was an interesting start. It was then I knew that our life together was going to be anything but boring. And I was right (can someone remind my wife of this fact?).

We bought a house at the beach, she was a nurse at CHKD in the PICU, I was a student pastor- life was good. Then the chaos began to happen. Carrie was pretty unhappy with her job, the schedule and having to see those kids in pain all the time. She came home one night and this was the conversation:

Her- "What do you think about me going back to school?"
Me- "Seriously?!"
Her- "Yeah. Seriously." (with a hint of uncertainty)
Me- "We can't even make it on two incomes... And you're my sugar momma."
Her- "Well, we would probably need to sell our house"
Me- (voice has now been raised) "What?! We live 6 blocks form the ocean! I ride my bike to the beach every day! I have lived for a moment like this!"
Her- "I know, but I want to happy when I go to work. I want to love my job like you do."
Me- "Well put babe, well put."

And so we were off, making upgrades, fixing our house, putting it on the market. She had already quit working at the time, things were getting tight. Did I mention we had no place to live, a car payment, credit card debt, we both had college loans, and could barely make it on two incomes? God was laughing at us...

Because He knew it was all good.

We sold our house for well over what we purchased it for. Paid off debt, car, college loans, and moved to a little apartment (to be closer to the church I worked at). Then God had a change of plans. For over a year I had debated if I fit. If I really truly fit where I was in ministry. I kept coming back to the word, "No." But I didn't want to believe it.

I wrestled with God, all the while preaching in the absence of our lead pastor who had resigned. 8-10 months later a new pastor came on board and I was still wrestling with those same questions. Now before you read this and think I hated the church I worked at or the people there, let's set the record straight... I love the people I worked with in ministry. I learned more there than I did in Biible College. They really raised me in my ministry development. I owe a geat deal to my family I have back at Living Stones/ Real Life. But, I had come to a place where I looked around and I didn't feel the joy anymore in my heart for serving Him. I began to ask God if ministry was for me? I researched jobs all over the country, pastor positions, IT and web jobs, even looked into ECPI. God closed door after door, until...

I logged on to the Forefront website and saw, "Looking for a Creative Arts Pastor. If interested, please apply." Hhhmmmm, is this a door? Is it just me wanting to move? Is it God speaking or me just being curious? I called, met with Vince, met with the leadership... and a few months later I was on a new adventure- in Va Beach! I had just moved to Chesapeake from the Beach to be closer to work and now I am doing the same commute backwards, ugh!

Honestly, I would drive double the distance to be at this place. I love Forefront. The people, the services, the small groups, service projects, the staff, you name it and I think Forefront really is on point.

In the move, we didn't really know anyone but the staff and during this transition something we never would have expected happened. A pain I had never experienced. It tested my faith and trust. God and I had it out. It wasn't pretty...

Just testing out a new blogging app on my phone. I would love to start some live blogging about Forefront events and when things go down in the 757. We'll see how easy this thing is to use.

Some people hate the sight of their office.
Looking at it makes them cringe.
To even mention entering it will bring them to tears. Not me.
Around this table healing takes place.
At that desk I get to correspond with some of the most amazing people ever.
Sitting around that table we talk about eternity, life, loss, love, hopes and dreams and ultimately the discussion always leads back to God's amazing grace.
I can't believe I get paid to do this.
God is unbelievably cool.
Thanks Forefront for being a great place to serve.
Thanks ministry peeps for encouraging me from all over the country.
Thanks blog readers for the comments, sharing community and opening up your hearts.

I can't imagine being or doing anything else.
You guys rock.

Sincerely,
me.

My wife and I went to youth group together, but we never talked. For two reasons: 1. I was a senior and she was a freshman, nuf said- and 2. I was dating someone pretty seriously and into other things (see post #7).

So we knew of one another, but it wasn't until about 8 1/2 years later that I would be meeting her again in a whole new light. I was still a youth pastor and was also heading up our college/career ministry. My roommate and I thought it would be a great idea to gather some people together for community, music, food and getting to know one another in the hopes to talk about God.

So we made the fliers, got the food, set-up the sound system, and 40+ people came out... in our two bedroom apartment. Insanity. It was so much fun though. A few girls showed up who didn't knock, they just came in like they knew me. Enter into the story , Carrie and friends. She told them she knew me and it would be a cool place to meet "Christian" guys. I was smitten by her instantly. We hit it off and she wasn't able to get rid of me. (I'm sure her version is a little different).

About 3-4 months into the whole "hanging out" process, I knew I had to tell her. I had to come clean with my past, my struggles, my lack of self-control, etc. In my heart I knew this girl was going to be the one and I had to come clean for her sake.

I remember it vividly. We had just got back form a date and I was dropping her off at her house. We walked into the kitchen which had just a single light on right above the table. When we sat down it was like those cop shows with the glow almost blinding and everything else around us was pitch black. I cleared my throat, and began to spill my soul.

The look on her face didn't read anything. It was blank. I kept talking. Sharing. Tripping over words. Hoping I was making any kind of sense. After awhile she reached out her hand, placed it on mine and stopped me... "Thank you." she said.

"Thank you for being honest with me. I knew some of those things about you, others I didn't. But, I am glad you decided to share that with me. I want to know you more and more every day. I want you to know me more and more every day. I see this going great for a long time to come. Jason, I love you."

I broke. The flood gates opened up. I was a little baby and she hugged me until it stopped. Then she shared some struggles she's had in life. I couldn't believe she trusted me with her journey and pain she had to deal with. She is the first and only person on this earth who truly gets me, brokenness and all. I knew that day she was the one I wanted to marry. And we did.

It was the beginning of a very crazy journey in Sept of 2004 as we joined as one together under God's leading. Then, some interesting things happened along the way...

Sometimes there are stories on the news for which there are no words. Listen for the quote, "Maybe if more people had a duck in their life..." Classic.
[HT: Nat]

I was glad to leave the young man and his dog as a memory and move on to other things. In the many years of doing student ministry I dealt with other people's issues like: suicide, divorce, homosexuality, abuse (verbally and physically), sexual addiction, pornography, liars, alcoholics, cynics, angry parents, and the list goes on.

I NEVER thought I would be exposed to that, but I should have known better. In my Christian life, I've had a handful of mentors. Of that handful, all but one have left ministry. 4 of the men who really poured into my life ended up leaving the church because they slept with women in the church, prostitutes, or students. Out of control. "Is this really God's church?!" I thought over and over in my head. So stepping into ministry I knew I would see all the these things I guess, but it never really registered until I was in the thick of it.

What I did know is that I needed to guard myself against these things. But, unfortunately I didn't do a very good job. Coming from the past that I did, it made it difficult to trust people. So, as I began to see my guard slipping and Satan attacking, I gave into what I thought would be an easy (and one time) fix: internet pornography.

Being a single guy, doing ministry all day long with students, no real time for relationships- it seemed like the perfect solution. "So how do you do ministry all day and check out porn in the evenings and still think you're fit to serve God?" Great question.

I actually didn't think I was fit to serve God while it was happening. I beat myself up about it. Cried about it. Knew I should stop. Wanted to stop. Hated what I was looking at after the fact. Thought I was a loser who couldn't get the "real thing." I was spiraling out of control, but I liked it. It was a like a rush of endorphins when I would open up the search bar. They were all there for the taking. They were all there for me. Or so I thought. If you have never dealt with or struggled in the area of sexual addiction, count yourself amazingly blessed. If you have been a part of it- I hate to break it to you, but it is something that will never leave the confines of your mind... unless you allow God to do a true spiritual cleansing of your heart, mind, and soul.

When God comes in and cleans the Rolodex of images in your mind, enters your heart and fills it completely, and makes your soul whole in ways words cannot express- then you will see change. It took me opening up to a pastor friend a year into ministry and then having a handful of pastors hold me accountable at a beach house in Nags Head for me to truly begin the process.

But I'm glad someone told me- it's a process. Fighting the battle of sexual addiction is one day at a time with God at the helm. It isn't cold turkey and you're good. Anyone who tells you that is full of it. My accountability partners really helped me understand that and it aided me in the healing process.

So, God was doing His thing in my life, I was pushing along in ministry, and then I met her. And so I entered a new chapter in these ol' Vans...

Working with teenagers is tough. Don't let anyone fool you. They are unpredictable, unruly, and uninhibited when it comes to speaking their minds. I chose to work with them full time. Specifically with middle school students. Yes. I was insane, but I loved every minute of it.

God allowed me the opportunity to intern at a local church in the Va Beach area and upon graduation, they offered me a full time position. I was honored. I couldn't believe that was a real job. Working with kids and telling them about Jesus!? It was the greatest thing ever.

My first day on the job we went to see a high school senior whose dad had died. He was with a friend, they had been drinking up in his room by the look of things (empty 12 pack box and cans on the floor). We went to see how he was doing and extend a hand for love, support, and whatever the family needed. While in conversation, his dog had grabbed my leg and well, I will let you imagine the rest.

When I went to get the dog off, he growled intensely (teeth and all) and barked very loudly. The guy told me it would probably be better if I didn't disturb him. "You've got to be kidding me?!" I thought to myself. Moments later he was done, we prayed with him and his mom, and hopped in the car.

My boss looked over at me and said, "So are you still excited about youth ministry?" I didn't respond.

Little did I know- that was only the beginning of some amazing and challenging things to come. Meeting with that kid and his dog was only the tip of the iceberg. You have no idea...

Sharing my thoughts from this morning's daily Bible reading...

Have you ever seen the movie Space Balls? If not, you're not missing out. It's a pretty lame attempt to parody the Star Wars series. One of the quotes that has been dubbed as affecting pop culture is when the captain informs his crew to, "Prepare for Ludicrous Speed!" They all freak out because it's never been attempted before, going nuts, and so on.

I'm totally the same way as the captain's crew. God pushes us to prepare for action (1 Peter 1:13-16) and instead of battening down and getting in gear, I sometimes have the urge to loose my mind and head for the hills. But God is calling us to just hold to what we know: grace, hope, love. The funny (actually sad) part is He 'assumes' we've been 'in the know.'

This is a big reminder to me to always put my reading, prayer, and connecting with Him FIRST. I need to know God's heart so when he makes statements like, "do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance." I can stand up take action as reply, "God, I know what's right because I searched your Bible and found it to be true. I will be holy as You are holy."

In the message today- I rattled off a couple dozen passages that use the phrase, "One Another" or "Each Other." As promised, I didn't want you to have to scramble to write them all down, so here ya go.

All my Chesapeake peeps, you are in for an awesome week next Sunday. You've got Cinema Cafe, Chuck keepin' things moving, the rocking band and a pretty darn good message (if I do say so myself, possibly the only one who thinks so, ha). Anyway, here are the links. Enjoy.

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.
John 13:14

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another
John 13:34,1 Peter 1:22, 1 John 3:11 (etc)

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves
Romans 12:10

Live in harmony with one another
Romans 12:16

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law
Romans 13:8

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way
Romans 14:13

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God
Romans 15:7

I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another
Romans 15:14

Greet one another with a holy kiss.
Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 1 Peter 5:14

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought
1 Corinthians 1:10, Phillipians 4:2

serve one another in love
Galatians 5:13

bearing with one another in love
Ephesians 4:2

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you
Ephesians 4:32

Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs
Ephesians 5:19

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
Ephesians 5:21

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you
Colossians 3:13

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another
Colossians 3:16 with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing
1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:25

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness
Hebrews 3:13

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds
Hebrews 10:24

Brothers, do not slander one another
James 4:11

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble
1 Peter 3:8

Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling
1 Peter 4:9

Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble
1 Peter 5:5

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin
1 John 1:7

Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with each other
Mark 9:50

so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other
1 Corinthians 12:25

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other
Galatians 5:26

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ
Galatians 6:2

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you
1 Thessalonians 3:12

Therefore encourage each other with these words
1 Thessalonians 4:18

Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other
1 Thessalonians 5:13

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else
1 Thessalonians 5:15

Keep on loving each other as brothers
Hebrews 13:1

Don’t grumble against each other, brothers, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door
James 5:9

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective
James 5:16

I was so excited to preach the message today. When it comes to community, it's something I can always use more of. It also doesn't hurt that I got to use Sugar Hill Gang, DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Beastie Boys, and Run DMC sound clips all the in same message. I told a story about trying to find a place to fit and used my "Wanting to be a Hip Hop Rapper" Phase. (I know, pretty lame- I could never make it as a rapper).

I placed the clips below for your listening pleasure. Enjoy.

Please use your local "Cart Corral" so your local store doesn't need to post these signs. For real. Ha.

So, Manny Ramirez has been out there for the taking and the Mets Big Whigs have been talking and discussing what to do. Seriously? Like there is any question.

You're heading to a new stadium, you don't have anything in your line-up that says you can win more games than last year, and you have him interested for the right price...

C'MON ALREADY!

Okay, so I am a little worked up about this. I know this is not helping my blood pressure so I am going to take some time to breathe, think happy thoughts, and pray to God above that the men in high positions in the Mets ball club will get the minds out of cruise control mode and make a wise choice (for the love of all that is holy!). Ugh.

My father-in-law took us out to a Golden Corral breakfast this morning. (insert Homer Simpson voice for the following) MMMmmmmm. It was so good.

Now the only problem is getting through the rest of the day after eating a filling breakfast. I never eat breakfast. I know, I know- I should eat it. But I don't need you guys & gals telling me that. I already got a mom.

What it did make me think of is this: I want to start some family traditions. Something we as a family can do together that my daughter will remember.

What are some things you remember doing as a family that you just loved? Let me know peeps.

From this part of the journey in these ol' Vans on- things seem to be a bit brighter. I think a big part of that is where my heart was at.

Before this point in time I was a big fan of just kind of pushing through life on my own with no thought of others- and no thought about God's direction. As I began to truly seek Him, things seemed to look up. Now don't get me wrong, it definitely wasn't perfect, but I was striving to serve Him.

So, we'll hop back into the story in the next time. Just wanted to take a break to set the tone. Oh, I found some photos of the car. Some friends went to go get our things and snapped these. A Geo Metro? Seriously. God had to have His hand in that for us to make it through.

Until next time,

Jason *over and out*

God definitely shook me up a bit. A little less than one year before graduation, things began to unravel. My girlfriend and I had broken up. I had been going through things with the band, and my spiritual/emotional state was at least at terror level orange (or whatever the scale is at the airports & military bases).

On one particular evening a group of friends decided to carpool to a Connell's concert at Town Point Park in Norfolk. We met up in the Kempsville area of Va Beach and hopped on the highway.

While driving and following the car in front of us, everything changed. As we went to change lanes I lost control of the car. Life was spinning. It was I 64. 60+ mph. The car spun out of control as we flipped onto the middle concrete divider. We continued to roll. Roll. And roll.

We rolled about 4 times before sliding roughly 150 feet upside down on the interstate. We were the only car involved. Thank God.

There were three people in the back seat, a friend in the front (his car) and me driving. Our heads had hit the windshield. Our friend in the back seat who was in the middle didn't have his seat belt on.

We all got out of the vehicle before the paramedics arrived. No broken bones. No large cuts. No major bleeding. No one thrown from the car. No one lost a life.

Amazing.

As the paramedics arrived and got us into the ambulance- they began to check out everyone. Including my friend and I who had pieces of glass in our heads form sitting up front and hitting the windshield. As we talked with them. They couldn't believe we walked away. He said "In a normal car crash people tend to lock up their legs in the floor board and their arms to the dash to steady themselves. You both curled up in the fetal position (not normal) and if you hadn't- your legs on both sides of the car would have been severely hurt, if not crushed."

I just kept thinking of that the whole way to the hospital. In the ER, as I sat and listened to the glass pieces being pulled out of my head and hitting the metal tray, I thought, "God, why? Wat are you trying to tell me? What did I do that this is what you needed to allow in my life to wake me up? Couldn't you just write it out in the sky? Couldn't you mail me a letter signed 'from God.' Why this?"

My parents came to pick all of us up and drive us back to the college in NC. It was the longest car ride of my life. That next morning I woke up, turned to get out of bed, placed my feet on the floor- and stopped. Instead of jumping to my feet in excitement for being able to walk, I dropped to my knees. For the next hour I sang songs to God, thanked Him, and praised Him for the day. I knew I had been given a new lease on life. I recognized that God didn't have to save me or anyone else in that car crash. We don't deserve His grace, love and protection. But He did it anyway. Why?

Because He had a greater plan for everyone in that car, including me. Out of that car ended up being another pastor, a missionary to Asia, a wonderful musician & philosopher, and a dedicated mother & servant of God.

So yeah, God shook me up. I thanked Him and knew things needed to be different. I wasn't perfect heading forward, but I tried. My next adventure was just around the bend.

Leaving the confines of "Jesus College" and heading out into the world to be a youth pastor...

We've had a great response from the website. So many of you have said how the new Forefront site has ben cool to send your friends to. but what if you have a phone with web access? Our site is in flash and most phones cannot read it. Introducing, ForefrontMobile.org

Now you can access a stripped down version of the site on your mobile phone. If you have an iPhone or iPod touch, you can add a little icon to your homepage when you bookmark it.

Enjoy.

Sharing my thoughts from this morning's daily Bible reading...

Got up this morning, went to hit up the reading for today, and I had to sit and really marinate on it before posting. It hit me. Like a ton of bricks. But in a good way. A great way.

I have friends that live all over the country. Many times I take for granted the friendship we have and I forget to talk to them. During good times. Bad times. Moments I am winning and times when I feel like the lowest of the low- I forget to communicate with them like I should.

James 5:13-20 was a great reminder to talk to God. Whenever I have a chance to pray to Him, talk to Him, have others involved in praying for me and vise versa. I need to be in close community with God an others. We'll be talking about that at the Beach Campus this week.

Community. What does it look like for you?

If so, check these guys out on YouTube. Seriously- they are hilarious. Jemaine Clement (left) and Bret McKenzie (right) make up the acoustic comedy duo, "Flight of the Concords." Their antics from New Zealand are absolutely hysterical. Not only do they have their own TV show on HBO; they also have a couple CD's out there of their songs (which are have an accident in your pants kind of funny).

As a teaser of what you can expect from them- enjoy this video. I soooo want to use the song for a series on sex. It's great.

Chaos.
Pure, uninterrupted, beautiful chaos.
She digs it.

Playing in her room, crawling around and getting into everything (all with a stinky diaper I later found out, ugh). But not a peep. She could care less that it was in her diaper. As long as she was having fun with the toys, trying to pull the cord out to the TV (I need to fix that somehow), getting to move around the room- it didn't matter.

It reminds me a lot of you and I. We roll through life with this dirt, filth, depression, troubles, sin, etc. But, as long as we are content and happy, we push on through. We don't let anyone know. In the process we have fun, but we also put ourselves in danger (may I remind you of the TV cord/outlet).

As Chloe's dad I am here to guide her and direct her. Through the good and bad. The best part is she allows me to do that right now. But as she gets older she will get strong willed, put up a fight, and think "she knows best."

I'm sure this doesn't sound at all familiar.
You have never been that kid, right?
God has never been that dad with you... right?!

Sounds like we have a lot to think about. Until next time,

Jason *over and out*

I woke up this morning and have been rockin' out to this song on repeat. Oh-so-true...




So, what kind of day are you having peeps???

"So you wanna be a rap/rock superstar, and live large, a big house, 5 cars, you're in charge, comin' up in the world, don't trust no body
gotta look over your shoulder constantly."

- the great American Poets, Cypress Hill (insert sarcasm here, even though I loved me some Cypress Hill back in the day)

What a great way to start off this chapter in these ol' Vans. Honestly, these lyrics are a glance into my head at the time. We were a band playing music- for Jesus. It was Christian based and we were loving the opportunity to play music. We played with bands like Ghotti Hook, Squad 5-0, Vroom, The Huntingtons, and more. It was great. I loved it. But for all the wrong reasons.

I could have been all about spreading the love of Jesus. Instead, I was all about getting girls, being the center of attention, and then seeing where it would go with any lady that showed me attention. Again, I loved it. Now don't get me wrong- we're were not be biggest, best thing since sliced bread, but we had a good run.

The problem was I was the "Judas" of the group. I lied, stole, and manipulated my way through the rock star terrain with my band mates, friends and family. I used it to make money, feed my ego, and live a lifestyle contrary to the lyrics I sang to venues of kids every weekend...

I was finally found out right in the middle of recording our CD and preparing for a spring break tour. They were devastated. They despised me- and they had every right. I was a two faced man living a lie. We finished the CD, did the tour (without our bassist and trumpet player, they had fill ins). It was awful. I felt horrible.

With people graduating, other things arising, and my feeding the flame of a band in distress- we went our separate ways. A couple of the guys I have yet to really speak with. A few have forgiven me, and some have just kept away.

I deserve the treatment. I made my bed and have had to lie in it to this day. God has forgiven me. He has continued to restore me. And now it was time to move on past the music, chasing fame, and trying oh-so-hard to be cool.

But before I graduated and moved on, God needed to shake me up a bit...

It was 1997 and I was off to "Jesus School." Now before anyone reading this gets up in arms- I am very thankful for my education I received at Roanoke Bible College (actually in Elizabeth City, NC). The biblical training I got, the mentoring from older students and professors, the life experience there... all appreciated and needed.

Okay, now that being said... I didn't really fit too well. Being a city kid with long hair, piercings, tattoos, loving metal and straight edge music; I didn't really slide into the mold of the typical student.

Another big thing standing in my way was that I was still a lot of things that aren't normally what you look for in a future pastor: A liar. A thief. An abuser. A womanizer. A deceiver. And the list goes on. I learned really quick that sharing your past meant one of two things:

1. People would shun you from their social groups or
2. By noon, everyone would know your story and people all across the Bible belt would soon know as well.

Just in case you live under a rock, were working, possibly abducted by aliens, or just had other things going on... here is what happened yesterday and our new President's words of encouragement & hope for us.

Rick Warren did today's Invocation. Loved it. Say what you will about his writing books, being in the news and media, etc. His prayer was on point. Check out the following video below if you missed it.

Lomo Cameras are so much fun.
Too bad I never received mine from Ben at Whiteboard (insert sad face here).
Anyone have any fun/artsy photos? I'm looking for some for fliers and advertisements. If you're interested in letting us use them. Send them to jason@forefront.org

Until next time,
Jason *over and out*

Winter storm, eh?!
Seriously?
C'mon Jeff Lawson, I am pretty sure my daughter can look out and tell me that there is no snow going down... Ha.

The inauguration is official.
I hope you were on your knees today for our new leader.
And, if you want to have some fun, Obamicon yourself.
Enjoy.
Hhhmmm... it has a nice ring to it.
[ht: kem & paste]

No matter your political views- this is a huge day in the history of our country. Today an African American man by the name of Barack Obama will step into office as the President of the United States of America.

It is a beautiful thing. To see how far our country has come since the days of slavery, separation in society, separate schools, dining facilities, etc. It was cast system I am happy to say is being broken day each day we breathe in and out.

I could really care less where you stand politically. I'm not a politician. I'm a pastor. I'm not here to set laws and policies. I'm here to spread God's love and obey Him. So today, I will obey Him by:

• Praying for the Obama Family
• Praying for the Biden Family
• Praying for all the cabinet leaders and their families
• Praying for our government that they will follow God's leading
• Praying for our country to recognize God and His role in our daily lives

Sharing my thoughts this morning's daily Bible reading...

So I am a thinker. I sit and ponder, marinate and toss around ideas for hours. Something that I can't seem to get out of my head lately is, "the least of these." As a student ministry pastor, I loved taking kids to ATL. In Atlanta there is a ministry called, "Jesus Place." John Vernon took over the ministry that his father started and has kept it moving and growing and reaching- the homeless.

It's a homeless church.

The first time I had a conversation with John, I was asking him what he liked to do for fun and relax? He answered, "I spend time with my family, I occasionally meet up with friends. But, I hang out with homeless people for the most part." "Say what?" I responded. John quickly replied, "Yeah, they are my people."

His people?! His peeps? Homeless people are the ones he loves to be around. He thrives on it. God built Him that way. But, here's the news flash. He built all of us that way. God made us to love. To help. TO reach out. To provide when there are needs.

To move.

Not to move when we're ready, comfortable, we've lined everything up, and are now available. God says we are to befriend and love the least of these and not to honor people who are rich and clothed in fancy things because it's easy for us or might help us by knowing them. So, I would ask a simple question...

Who are your peeps????

1997. Confused as can be. My girlfriend and I were excited about the idea of me pursuing a dream of going to art school and becoming a graphic designer. But, dreams get crushed and plans change. We've all experienced that at some point in our lives (and if you haven't yet, sorry- but you will).

I was working at Up Against The Wall here at Lynnhaven Mall in Virginia Beach and planned on working at the one in Richmond there- got fired. Totally out of the blue for me. I was looking around at apartments and the one I had a lead on sounded amazing- until I found out the guy that was going to be my roommate was homosexual. I was floored. At the time I am sad to say that I hated gay people. I was a completely homophobic and didn't understand it (to everyone reading this, I was young, immature, and didn't even remotely love God, much less understand His unconditional love for all people regardless of their life's choices).

So, all I had was a plan to go to school, that was it. Then my girlfriend asked me to go to Camp Rudolph. Ugh. It was a camp. A Christian camp. I hated the idea. I went to that camp every summer growing up and I just went to socialize. That's it. So we went and I hated the idea.

God was about to hijack my life. I didn't even know it.

So at that week there was a kid named Nate. He wanted to get baptized and every night he called his mom and she would say "No. Those people are a cult," or "What in the world are you thinking? Those people believe in nothing." Night after night, more of the same. Even though I wasn't into God, I felt sorry for the kid. It looked like he was into it. We left the week and I was ready to figure out a new plan to make it to school and get the heck out of Virginia Beach. God had different plans.

The Saturday we got back home, I get a phone call from a friend, "Hey Jason, we're going to baptize Nate at the ocean front. 64th Street. Be there." I was still close with some of the "Jesus Kids" even though I didn't really care for it. So I went.

Nate told us, "If I do this, my mom said I can't go to church or hang out with any of my Christian friends. I know I need to follow God first, then my mom." And he did it. In the rough waters of the Atlantic Ocean I watched a young man follow God in the midst of chaos. At that moment everything in my mind was thrown into a spiral.

On the drive home God wasn't yelling, screaming, or even speaking to me. It was a whisper. I kept hearing a simple and faint, "Just move." I tried to ignore it and then again I heard it, "Just move." It was probably the fourth time that I finally said out loud, "Alright. I'll do it." My girlfriend looked at me like I was crazy. I told her, "I think God wants me to go to Bible college and be a pastor. I think I want to give other people the life change Nate had. I think I want what Nate has." She seemed sort of excited. I guess.

I told my parents. They didn't really know what to think. They were so confused. It threw them off kilter to here their son who NEVER was about the church all of the sudden expressing the desire to be a pastor!?!

So I called my youth pastor (using the term loosely since he was the youth pastor at the church I had not even been to in almost 8 months, but he was the closest thing to it at the time). I left a message that I think I want to go to Bible college. He called me late that night.

And a new chapter was about to be underway. But "Jesus School for College Kids" wasn't all rainbows and smiles for a city kid with a lot of baggage...

Been trading text messages back and forth with Vince. Glad things are moving out there and excited for things here in the 757. If you missed it- here is Vince's last week with us and some special moments at the end. Enjoy.

Well, we left off with my habitual inclination to steal everything in sight and a conquest with women that didn't seem like it would end...

Well, towards the close of my sophomore year- I met her.

She went to another school and I was introduced to her at church. The only reason I went was because girls would be there. In full disclosure, Christian girls were easy prey. They loved God and wanted "every bad boy to be saved" and they were easily manipulated. Now don't get me wrong, not every girl was like that, but check out a Christian college campus sometime. Quite a few people are stumbling in this sexual realm. It's been happening for years.

So, this girl and I started dating and hanging out- ALL THE TIME. My parents thought she was a great influence because she loved God and basically didn't care what I was doing as long as I was with her. Since we spent so much time together, the breaking into cars stopped because I wasn't hanging with those guys as much. Good. I wasn't tempted to get into any illegal drugs or drinking because I was with her. Good. And I was tempted now more than ever to move into the realm of having sex. Not so good.

We pressed the limits for over a year. Never crossing that line, but coming close. It was like dancing on the edge of Hell, only I didn't believe in any of that mess. I really did not care. So there were no real consequences for me in my reality. Finally, after much peer pressure to seal the deal, we did.

The pattern of behavior was consistent, but the thing that strikes me looking back on it- was the Christian response. Everyone turned on us. Condemned us. Hated us (some of their words, not mine). They told youth sponsors, talked about us behind our back, shunned us at youth group. It was pretty bad. They would say hi and be cordial, but behind their talk and eyes the true colors shown through. Then hearing through AIM (aol instant messenger for you folks out of touch with the 21st century) that people were talking about us made it even worse.

Now more than ever, I couldn't stand God or Christians. I thought they were fake, rude, obnoxious, and just down right scum. I basically stopped going to church for a brief time, hung out with friends, dropped back into the old routine of life when not with m girlfriend- and waited out high school so I could pursue my dream of being a graphic artist.

That was until the summer of 1997, then God did some unreal things in my life...

Testing out some Photo Apps for my iPhone.
Anyone have an App they like for their phone?
I'm always looking for something new.

I got the opportunity to see Jon perform this song at Catalyst. I've seen the full band (Switchfoot) a few times and they are great, but he's doing a solo thing and this song convicts me. Check out the video and the lyrics are below. I can't get the idea out of my head.



I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you’re singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you’re praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There’s blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don’t fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There’s blood on your hands

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

Let’s argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let’s argue this out
You’ll be one of the clouds
Let’s argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can’t love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can’t stand at all, all
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show