1.14.2009
My mind & ideas were wrecked. After the elementary experience I trusted no one. It was me and me only. I continued to go to church since my parents made us, but I couldn't stand it. The sight of happy people and Jesus in the same room made me feel weird.
I know this sounds odd coming from a little kid's mind, but I went along with it. I did the musicals, I dressed like a stupid sheep for a manger scene at Christmas- and it was ridiculous. I was a happy kid when I was in control and around my friends, that was it.
Being around them made me feel good and being in charge gave me a sense of entitlement and power. I really loved it. No, i lived for it. So as I went into middle school, I began to look at females less as people and more like objects. Who was going to be conquered next?
I would see how many girls I could date and do things with. I would lie about everything. Absolutely everything to get girls to like me. Deception was my strong suit. It went hand in hand with the power trip and I knew how to use it. So I would tell my mom and dad I was off to a friends house and go to parties and hang out with friends and girls. I would "mess around" and what not with a few girls, come home or "sleep over" at a friend's house and call it a night. I didn't cross the "intercourse" bridge... yet.
All the while I thought I was just shoving a big middle finger up to the heavens at God. I was on a mini-middle school rampage and I could care less about who was in my path. But the messing around was only going to fill me up for so long. I needed something more. Something different.
Until next time...
Labels Blogging, In My Shoes, story
It's hard to see people being real online without the idea of being noticed or recognized. Luckily I'm no mega pastor- just a brotha trying to impact one life at a time.